I sat at my office desk for the 247th straight day, doing the exact same thing…tapping my fingers and staring out the window, wondering. Wondering what it was that was missing. From an external point of view, my life probably looked perfect. Good job, great company to work for in the Corporate world, and some of the best co-workers. Even the pay was good. Fantastic family of 3 kiddos, a supportive and compassionate husband. A great house…all the things, all the material things…
Oftentimes I like to explain it as being in a birdcage. It’s a very posh birdcage, but a birdcage, nonetheless. I was living a very comfortable and content life. I was even continuing to grow and evolve, and show up for things that mattered. But, Spirit was calling me to do more.
One day the door of the birdcage was opened, and I was able to see outside of my normal tunnel vision. Realizing that there was a whole world outside that birdcage shocked me as I made my way to the door and peered out. Viewing the world through a different lens showed me there was so much more out there beyond the birdcage!
Teetering on my toes near the edge of the cage for a long time helped me realize so much about myself that had long been hidden. Knowledge that my Soul, that Spirit was guiding me to a space more aligned with my passions, with my calling, with my footprint on this world. It wasn't that I didn't like what I was doing, for I truly did. In fact, I enjoyed my work setting quite a bit. But, God was guiding me to put down what was Good so that I could find and pick up that which is Best.
So on day 248, I courageously moved one toe over the edge, then another, until….. there was nothing left to do but Jump! And trust in my Faith! I love thinking back to this part of my journey, though this isn't where my journey really started, and it isn't even where it ends.
Spirit speaks to me every day and in many different ways. It rejoices when I am able to tune in and listen to the messages my ears are hearing. And, I actually see the messages in front of my very eyes.
Reflecting back, I recall a turning point in my life. About 10 years ago, I was feeling so completely broken, stuck and defeated. I was trying to find my answer at the bottom of a bottle, a pill bottle, liquor bottle, or even a cookie bag. I had created this vicious cycle of self-sabotaging behavior. Trying to numb out the niggle, the nudge from Spirit, that I felt within.
I suspect many of you are able to relate to that which I am sharing. Maybe you can even empathize with those sneaky, subconscious, self-sabotaging behaviors and thoughts. I was at a point on my own journey that these behaviors and thoughts became show-stoppers to my Spiritual growth. Heck, I can't even say that I was truly 'living.' It seemed I had become just a shell of myself. In reality, the only expansion occurring was the size of my pants due to all the self-sabotaging, destructive behavior.
My mind was running full-steam ahead All. The. Time. And it was not giving the rest of me a chance to show up or catch up. Not letting the Soul connection come to me, through me, and from me. You see, my brain and mind are definitely great tools for ME, but they are meant to be utilized in conjunction with body-mind-spirit. Holy Spirit.