Months into the relationship, I began doubting myself—doubting my sense of reality. What seemed like a promising partnership revealed itself as distorted and warped. I felt constantly on edge, unable to find peace in our time together. Subtle cues exposed the thin facade masking a relationship built on a cracked foundation.
Time and again, he twisted both his words and mine, sweet-talking me into staying. Only later did I realize that lies and manipulation were his tactics. The result? Disappointments around every corner. My judgment clouded. My power stolen. He kept me there by weaving kindness and caring acts into his manipulation—a toxic mix that blurred the truth.
I prayed constantly for God’s guidance, watching for evidence that this man might be the right one to do life with. Yet I ignored or misread the signs God placed before me. I dismissed the cautionary words of friends who saw what I couldn’t.
It seemed like he was the answer to my prayers. Afterall, he attended worship with me, initiated praying before meals, and we did daily devotions together. The result? I mistook these gestures as signs of a genuine, lasting lovefrom a supposed person of faith.
But in the end, it was all lies. His endless gaslighting clouded my judgment. Narcissistic behaviors wove a web of deceit, isolating me from family, friends, and the life I had rebuilt after my husband’s death. He even used my grief to manipulate me, preying on my vulnerabilities, as well as my deep compassion for others.
Eventually, I reached my breaking point and needed to escape the chaos. I’d heard enough of his hollow explanations and apologies—while never once admitting fault. I saw his self-serving nature and realized there was no room for me in his life unless I abandoned who I was.
So, I left. I walked out. I firmly slammed the door shut on the false promises made that he could never fulfill. Deep in my heart, I knew those promises would always be just out of my reach.
Emotionally depleted, I left. He aggressively pursued me. He pleaded. He feigned tears. He tried to coerce me back into the chaos. With God’s grace, I stood firm. I said no. I clung to my convictions with all the strength God gave me.
And it was not easy. It was only by God’s help that I was able to escape and find myself again. God showed me that real love respects boundaries, honors the person He created me to be, and does not manipulate or distort the truth. By trusting God, I found the spiritual strength to overcome the chaos of dating a narcissist.
On the other side of the breakup, I can see how turning to God made all the difference. It wasn’t easy. Loneliness threatened to pull me back in, and I was tempted to return to him. But God guided me to stay wise and alert, nudging me to recognize the subtle manipulations that continued. God steered me back to key scriptures that reminded me of what trusting God can do.
Isaiah 5:20 warns, “Doom to those who call evil good and good evil, who present darkness as light and light as darkness, who make bitterness sweet and sweetness bitter.”
God reminded me daily of this man’s selfish and destructive nature, helping me move forward. God's presence gave me the strength I needed to block his number and avoid the places he frequented.
Isaiah 41:10-13 encouraged me: “Don’t fear, because I am with you; don’t be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will surely help you; I will hold you with my righteous strong hand. You will look for your opponents and won’t find them. I am the Lord your God, who grasps your strong hand, who says to you, ‘Don’t fear; I will help you.’”
Even now, I see how God’s hand never wavered, even when I did. God didn’t shame me for falling for the illusion; God simply guided me out of it. God was my refuge when I felt weak, my anchor when the waves of loneliness threatened to pull me under. Each time I doubted my decision, God reminded me of who I am—a beloved daughter, not a pawn to be played with.
Breaking free wasn’t just about leaving this man; it was about reclaiming myself. With every step forward, God continued to show me that real love is never rooted in control, deception, or fear. Real love sets free. Real love reflects God’s truth. And real love, above all, is what I find in Christ alone.
So, I choose my relationship and trust with God. I choose peace. I choose freedom. And I will never look back.
FOR FURTHER THOUGHT:
Loneliness is real, and it often drives us toward people who seem to ease the ache. In the hardest of moments, it’s easy to get drawn into relationships that appear faith-filled but ultimately lead to harm. Whether in friendships or romantic relationships, there are those who prey on our vulnerabilities.
Matthew 7:15, 17 warns: “Watch out for false prophets. They come to you dressed like sheep, but inside they are vicious wolves. You will know them by their fruit. For every good tree produces good fruit, and every rotten tree produces bad fruit.”
To be swayed by these people is costly. How much of yourself are you willing to sacrifice before realizing a relationship is causing harm? What is your breaking point?
Leaving an unhealthy relationship is never easy, but you don’t have to do it alone. God offers the strength and power needed to help you move forward.
Exodus 14:14 reminds us: “The Lord will fight for you. You just keep still.”
Let God be your strength. Let God fill the emptiness inside with goodness and peace. Allow the Creator to guide you back to yourself—the person you were created to be, not the one lost in an unhealthy relationship. Trust God to bring justice as only God can.
I thought I was a good judge of character. I’ve spent my life trusting God. Yet, I was swept up in an unhealthy relationship with someone who manipulated my kind-hearted, compassionate nature. But it wasn’t too late for me to escape—and it’s not too late for you. God will give you the courage to take the first step. Trust God to guide you into freedom.
PRAYER
Loving God, thank You for loving us so much that You want us to be in healthy relationships. Yet, day to day, Lord, it is super hard to navigate the lonely days in my life. Show me how to fill my heart with Your words and Your love, so that I won’t seek out the shallow relationships that won’t fulfill me. I love You, Lord. Please help me to embrace the freedom and strength that come from walking in Your will, always seeking Your truth above all else. Amen.
NOTE: If you are being abused, please seek help at the National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) or texting "START" to 88788.
ABOUT JENNY SEYLAR
A mother, daughter, grandmother, friend, and pastor, Jenny Seylar became a widow in September 2017, and though it rocked her world, she chooses not to be defined by it. Despite her husband's unexpected death, she seeks joy in daily life with the support of family and friends. Her three grown children, their partners, and four young granddaughters bring love and engagement to her life. When not serving as a hospital chaplain or writing, she enjoys outdoor activities like walking her dog, biking, kayaking, hiking, and camping. She values creating authentic relationships with people on their faith journeys, finding fulfillment in her roles as a writer and chaplain.
WANT MORE? JOIN OUR BOLDLY SHINE CLASS or BUY USING WHAT'S BROKEN TO BOLDLY SHINE.
GET PRAYER 24/7 BY CLICKING HERE
#godlyfriends, #boldlyshine, #thedentedfender, #JennySeylar, #biblestudy, #Jesus, #God, #friendship, #blessings, #faith, #friends, #lightindarkness, #intention, #light, #pandemic, #loveofGod, #slowingdown, #makingtime, #timewithGod, #tapestryoflife
Comments