“There’s a season for everything and a time for every matter under the heavens: a time for giving birth and a time for dying (Ecclesiastes 3: 1-2)
Seven years. It’s hard to believe that much time has passed. Some days it feels like it was yesterday. Most of the time it seems like a lifetime ago.
That's the power of loss. The immense weight of grief.
Seven years ago my life changed. A loss beyond my comprehension changed everything. And as I approached the anniversary, each day felt weightier than the one before until the tears could not be contained. So I cried it out, and I didn’t get stuck as I used to do. I let the emotions flow and then moved on.
That’s the way it goes when the years tally up, and more time separates the present from the traumatic event. And that’s the way it was with me. What perplexed me most was the absence of others taking note of the anniversary. How others were not marking the time like I was.
All things happen in their own time, including healing. These past seven years have been a roller coaster of grief, celebration, hardship, laughter, and always joy. And each time I successfully rode the ups and downs, I grew stronger. The strength I experienced led to my healing.
The thing is, I have not gotten to this place alone. On the contrary, God has been with me in the darkest of nights and the greyest of days. God also sent wonderful people to journey with me toward a place of wholeness. They held me up on the hardest of days.
Thinking back to the early days, weeks, and months of my grief, I remember the key scripture that sustained me day after day. Philippians 4:13: “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” Some days strength came in the form of going to an event on my own. Other days it simply meant getting out of bed and navigating the work day. Yet I did not do any of it alone.
The author of the Book of Ecclesiastes knew this, writing in Chapter 3:1-11 (selected):
“There’s a season for everything and a time for every matter under the heavens: a time for giving birth and a time for dying, a time for planting and a time for uprooting what was planted, a time for crying and a time for laughing, a time for mourning and a time for dancing, a time for searching and a time for losing, a time for keeping and a time for throwing away, a time for loving and a time for hating, a time for war and a time for peace. God has made everything fitting in its time, but has also placed eternity in their hearts, without enabling them to discover what God has done from beginning to end.”
A familiar passage that reminds me God is in the midst of my life, guiding in a way that fits with where my heart is, and where my heart is to go. And I am so grateful I have not had to do this hard thing on my own. I continue to be inspired to share my journey, and to write in a way that I hope others will find nuggets for their own hard things. Perhaps this will speak:
Seven Years Gone
A Poem by Jenny Seylar
The unwelcome journey of grief
Travels on an unexpected path
Of twists and turns,
Roadblocks and lane changes.
Seven years gone.
It hardly seems noteworthy,
Barely worth the effort,
Not at all a time for sorrow….right?
One year gone…
Enduring all the firsts
While feeling the mounting dread
That seems to blanket everything
Like a gray, overcast day.
Two years gone…
Still living without the dear one,
Yet it’s now the second go around
For birthdays and celebrations,
And my heart, it seems,
Has finally caught up with my head,
And it feels like those first weeks again.
Five years gone…
A milestone to be sure;
A great distance has been traveled
Since that day that often seems like yesterday.
Seven years gone…
Is still…gone.
Ever feeling the tug of the life lost,
I wake and prepare for the flood of emotions,
Keeping tissues at the ready.
At seven years gone,
Few remember,
Few reach out,
Few acknowledge the pain
That can still rip at my healing heart.
Seven years gone
Propels me forward
Once the stinging of the day
Diminishes to a dull ache;
To a subtle longing for what was lost.
Seven years gone,
And I am able to move forward
Once again toward my dreams
Of a the new life before me,
That I am living.
FOR FURTHER THOUGHT
What kinds of grief or sorrow are weighing on you? Divorce? Job loss? Broken friendships? Health concerns? Whatever it is, please know you are not alone. God is with you, no matter what. God is sending key people into your life to journey this hard time with you. Be on the lookout for them.
It doesn’t matter if your hard thing just happened or if you have been navigating the grief for a while. You get to decide your path. Please take note of Ecclesiastes 3. There is a time for everything, “A time for crying, and a time for laughing…” It is okay to laugh even as your heart is breaking. It’s okay to cry when songs or places or items evoke a memory.
Take time to find the joys that still surround you. Take time to share your gratitude with the Creator and with those around you. All is not lost. There is a new life waiting for you. Your dreams have not disappeared.
PRAYER
Loving Creator, thank You for the wonderful gifts that each day brings. Open my heart and eyes to the gifts You have placed in my life. Guide me toward those who will support me when the days are hard. So too, show me those who need to hear my story, so that my grief journey toward wholeness may be a light to others who seem plagued by darkness. Amen.
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