Back in the spring of 2019 this article was first published. I share it again because moving on with my life beyond my husband's death still requires acceptance of myself and my own worthiness to seek out a life with another person. My faith in the Creator helps me to move forward.
Acceptance. What a word! I have been living out the idea of acceptance in profound ways since my husband’s death. The acceptance that his death is real, and that he is never coming back. Acceptance that the future we had planned together will never come to be. The acceptance that paying bills, car repairs, insurance claims, dealing with home repairs and selling a house, and moving to a new home, are now my sole responsibility. Acceptance that the one I relied on for primary love and support has been replaced by family and friends near and far, a grief counselor, and colleagues in ministry.
Profound things have happened in my life that have required me to take action toward an outcome. I have realized by trial and error that the action I take is mine, and only my decision to make. So too, the process that is acceptance is an individual choice. I can choose the path of acceptance OR I can choose believe I am not worthy of finding unconditional love again. The lack of acceptance will mean that I miss out on the simple joys in my life that can be shared with a life partner. It means that I live an incomplete life, pining for something that will never be. So, I have a choice to make, and so do you. I choose acceptance that allows me to move forward, even if it is challenging to so.
In my walk of faith, God calls me to choose to accept the grace that God offers. First and foremost….before I serve others….before I try to please those in my life, my vocation, and in ministry….before my feelings of unworthiness overwhelm me…. I have been given God’s grace. I do NOT deserve it, but still grace is mine for the taking; grace is mine to accept. “From God’s fullness we have all received grace upon grace” (John 1:16).
Acceptance of God’s grace leads me to a place of wholeness that is based only in God, and not in the people, circumstances, and things around me. Unfortunately, the expectations that others place on me can hinder my ability to live fully into God’s grace. I have realized since my husband’s death that the journey of grief is my own. It should not be subject to the expectations of others, and the timelines that others set for me. My grief is found at the deepest places of my soul, and that is only for me to experience. That deep place in the soul is also where God’s grace resides. My acceptance of God’s grace is only for me to hold and cherish, and it is not subject to the circumstances, expectations and acceptance of others. God gifts it to me, and to each and every one of us. I choose to accept God’s grace, to accept who I am in Christ, and do so with the strength of prayer and trust. I choose the path of moving forward.
FOR FURTHER THOUGHT
Living a life of grace starts with accepting God’s grace. At times we feel unworthy, but that doesn’t stop God from offering it to us. It is important to align our hearts with Christ so that He may be part of the daily workings of our lives. In order to receive Christ's gift, we need to invite Him in to do the internal work we need. It sometimes means giving up the right to berate ourselves for our failings, things God forgave us for long ago. Other times it means being willing to face hard challenges and truths, knowing that grace is the reminder we need to face those things from a place of anticipated healing and mercy.
What is an area of your life where you seek to block God’s grace? What is it about this part of you that prevents you from moving forward and allowing God to enter in? Make a decision today to invite God into that very private space. Remember James 1:25: “But you must never stop looking at the perfect law that sets you free. God will bless you in everything you do, if you listen and obey, and don’t just hear and forget.” To move forward on the path of acceptance and grace is to seek to live a life of freedom, a life that is complete. Don’t let yourself forget that God wants ALL of you! God accepts ALL of you. God will move forward in your life WITH you! Invite God in as I have done!
God of Love, thank You for the grace You offer freely to me. I realize that I am not worthy of Your grace but You offer it anyway. Guide me, God of Grace, to open the private and tender parts of myself that are only known to me for You to reside. Because of Your grace, I realize You want all of who I am. Help me, Lord, to accept the gift of grace and live my life from a place that offers grace to others, the very same grace that I have received from You. And, guide my heart as I move forward to find the one who is worthy to share my life because You are reside at the center of their heart, too. In Your Holy Name, Amen.
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