Shine Stories: The First Step Toward Freedom

I’d never been through that kind of pain.  It took my breath away from the inside out, leaving me feeling hollow and empty, gasping for air and answers.  Certainly, my parents’ divorce was painful.  I was no stranger to hurt and heartache.  But this—this was a different level of hurt.

My twenty-year marriage to a man I had loved completely was falling apart in my hands, slipping through my fingers faster than I could process.  Only it wasn’t just my pain; it was my kids and the life-altering pain I knew firsthand they would experience, too.  It was a vow I’d made before the Lord that was melting away in the fierce heat of betrayal.  It taught me to look at that word we hear so often, almost casually, without fully understanding its walloping punch: divorce. 

A new wife came onto the scene before the ink had even dried on the dissolution papers.  My kids were reeling, and I was still simply trying to catch my breath.  Soon, child support would become erratic or even missing altogether.  Words were said that couldn’t be unsaid. More than ever, I needed something more than platitudes and blanket statements of faith.  I needed real, meaningful help.

Then Jesus showed up with exactly that.   

He did this in many, many ways.  He met me with love when I expected judgment and anger.  He listened for hours upon hours, all the while gently redirecting me toward forgiveness, mercy and grace.  I felt the depth of His comforting presence as I lay on the floor in a pool of my own tears.  I found His powerful, life-altering wisdom in words that seemingly leaped off the pages of my Bible.  I felt the presence of Jesus in my life in ways I didn’t know existed prior. 

Money showed up in unexpected ways.  Friends showed up to walk alongside me on my journey toward a new, vibrant life.  Opportunities to lead and grow seemed to materialize before me.  God literally carried me forward in every way throughout the pain of this season. 

A few years later, I could look back and say in a shaky sort of way the journey was worth it. Don’t get me wrong—I wouldn’t wish that pain on my worst enemy.  Yet if walking through that season was the path where God met me, healed me, and taught me lessons I could not have learned any other way, then I can say this with trembling honesty: the lessons were that rich, that meaningful.  And yes, God is that good!    

Still, when God met me in my living room one morning asking me to share with others the incredible lessons He had taught me, my first response was a firm no.  Much like Moses, I begged God to send someone else, anyone else.  Besides, my witness was broken.  But that’s why I’m calling you, I felt the Lord whisper.  You will understand in ways others can’t because of what you’ve gone through.

Finally, I felt led to turn to Isaiah 6:4-8. I didn’t know it as I flipped through the pages of my Bible, but I was turning to the call of Isaiah.  Isaiah felt overwhelmed by his inadequacies before the Lord, completely incapable of what he was being called to.  Yet God declared him free from sin, then asked again, “‘Who shall I send?  And who will go for us?’  And [Isaiah] said, ‘Here am I.  Send me!’”

More than anything, this passage undid me.  That God had removed my sins, lifted me up from the ashes of my broken dreams, and set both me and my children on firm ground still chokes me up.  But that He would call me, broken and bruised as I was, melted my heart in humble awe.

Oh, I would still fight Him over the next few years.  I kept looking to see if there was something already out there I could just volunteer for.  Or perhaps someone already doing the heavy lifting of creating, so I could just share my lessons and stories with them.  But God is tenacious like a bulldog when He’s calling you, and I finally surrendered and began the hard work of creating what would eventually become “Boldly Shine” and The Dented Fender Ministry. 

I still remember sitting on a bench overlooking the city of Cincinnati and simply praying for clarity.  Lord, what do you want me to teach?  These are deep, hard-fought life lessons.  How do I make them simple enough to be understandable and transferable, yet robust enough to transform and heal?  How do I even begin to put this into words?

I remember, too, the working lunch where I wrote down every lesson on a page, big and small.  Then I worked to group and regroup all of them again and again; to boil them down to the most salient, meaningful categories that made sense and kept the heart behind the words intact.  It felt a bit like God was directing my pen that day, a feeling I would come to experience often moving forward.

Honestly, I still look back and wonder how on earth someone like me created something so powerful and real.  Then I remember I didn’t; God did.  Through each principle in the Boldly Shine class, each story shared, every lesson revealed, the Lord led the way.  While I’m no prophet, I see God’s hand clearly through it all.  And the lives transformed, the healing that has occurred, and the fresh vision that’s been created for so many, including myself, is a testament to what Jesus can do for anyone who’s willing to listen and learn.

That’s my Boldly Shine story.  It’s nothing I wanted to do, yet I am so grateful I got out of my own way and let God move.  The life I live now, full of joy and hope, is incredible.  I still have days that are so tough, you know?  The kind that bring you back to your knees.  But I know how to handle them now, and who to bring my challenges to.  I’ve learned to trust deeply in the Lord’s providence—His faithful care over my life—and to trust Him to guide me to every right path.  This is our inheritance in Jesus: freedom, peace, redemption, and the faithful promise that God will guide us forward when we place our lives and our circumstances into our Creator’s very capable hands.    

“The promise is for you and your children and for all who are far off—for all whom the Lord our God will call” (Acts 2:39). 

Ah, yes.  God is good!

FOR FURTHER THOUGHT

God has a story to tell through you.  It is a story of grace, redemption, transformation, and a fresh path forward no matter your circumstances.  It is your birthright as a child of the King. 

You don’t need to have your act together to find your way forward.  It simply takes looking up, away from your circumstances and onto Him, and choosing Jesus’ definition of who you are instead of your circumstances, your pain or your choices.  Understanding that is the first step toward freedom.

If this speaks to you, I hope you’ll take a courageous step forward and explore Boldly Shine for yourself.  There are a few ways to walk through it, so you can choose the path that fits best for you.  But even if you don’t, I hope you’ll at least stop long enough to see yourself as God sees you: cherished, valuable, full of gifts and treasures, and 100% worth redemption. 

Child, you are loved.

PRAYER

Lord, you know when I sit and when I rise. You preceive my thoughts from afar. The very hairs on my head are numbered, as are my days. Help me to live in step with You, mindful of the incredible, loving care You bring into each challenge, every circumstance. Give me the courage to face the hard places in my life and my heart, knowing You will hold my hand faithfully through each step forward. Thank You for the cross, and for choosing to suffer for me in order to free me from all that would take me down. Words fall short to express the gratitude I feel for who You are and how You love me. How good, how faithful You are! Praise Your holy name. In the mighty name of Jesus I pray. Amen.

ABOUT BARB LOWNSBURY

Barb is a speaker, author, and entrepreneur. She holds Bachelor's Degrees in International History and Education, as well as a Master’s Degree in Education. Barb has spoken at conferences and taught classes throughout the U.S. on topics including faith, relationships, leadership, and courage through trials. Her book, Using What’s Broken to Boldly Shine, is a powerful read on transformation through adversity. Her blog focuses on providing people with everyday encouragement and strength. Barb serves as the Executive Director and Editor for The Dented Fender Ministry and runs a successful real estate and development company. She and her husband currently reside in Lebanon, Ohio.

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