I enjoy the satisfying sound that greets me when I uncork a new bottle of wine, signaling its freshness and readiness for me to enjoy. Typically, when I try to reseal the bottle with the cork, it fits snugly back in place, preserving the remaining wine. Occasionally, though, no matter how much I attempt to do so, the cork refuses to cooperate and I cannot reinsert it properly. Despite my efforts, I am unable to force it back in without damaging the cork, leading to wasted time and energy.
Dating and friendships in life can sometimes be just like a wine cork. There’s the pleasant anticipation as the relationship starts, a real savoring of each other’s personalities and uniqueness. Everything seems to be going along beautifully. You love each other’s company, love spending time together, and love the emotions you’re experiencing with one another.
Sometimes, a strong relationship evolves, maturing into a stable, life-enhancing connection. However, there are instances when relationships no longer fit, regardless of the cause. Ultimately, the relationship transforms, usually for the worse, leaving you perplexed. You think back on how great everything was, how perfect everything seemed to be moving along, and you can’t quite accept that what you have on your hands no longer aligns with what used to be.
In life, the cork doesn’t always fit back into the bottle. It’s the same bottle and the same cork you started with. Logically, they should work. After all, they used to fit together beautifully. But now, for some reason, you just can’t fit the cork back in. And the more you try to force it, the more the relationship splinters and breaks.
When the cork no longer fits, one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself and the other person is permission to walk away. Just walk away. The more we cajole, complain, or fight, the greater our loss of dignity and self-respect, and the more fractured we become. You can’t force something to work that is broken. It doesn’t matter how great things were in the beginning. If consistently over time the pattern has changed in a clearly negative way, or if your paths have split irreconcilably, that is what your relationship is now. It may not be fair; you may mourn what was; but it’s important to be honest with yourself and value who you are enough to leave.
A parable I think of when it comes to this is one Jesus shares in Mark 2:22: “And no one pours new wine into old wineskins. Otherwise, the new wine will burst the skins, and both the wine and the wineskins will be ruined. No, they pour new wine into new wineskins.”
You can’t force something that’s not meant to be, no matter how tempting. When you do walk away, you open yourself up for new wine and new wineskins, for something that will satisfy you for the long haul.
FOR FURTHER THOUGHT
This week, spend a few minutes each day reflecting on your current relationships. Consider writing about moments when the relationship was flourishing and times when it felt strained. This practice can help you identify
If you find a relationship where you feel tension or misalignment, practice setting a small, respectful boundary. For example, you might choose to limit the amount of time you spend with this person or be clear about your own needs and expectations with them. This simple step can help you see more clearly if the relationship can be improved with clearer communication or if it's better to step back.
Focus on praying for positive, life-enhancing relationships that strengthen you and allow you to share strength as well. If you come to the conviction that you're currently trying to force a cork in your life, pray for the courage to let go.
PRAYER
Lord, all around me you place common sense reminders about how to live a life that honors your Presence within me. Help me to have the courage to make the kind of decisions in my life that lead to peace, growth and strength. Thank you for both the blessings and the growth moments that come from relationships. I humbly ask for your wisdom to navigate them well. In Jesus' name, Amen.
ABOUT BARB LOWNSBURY
Barb is a speaker, author, and entrepreneur. She holds Bachelor's Degrees in International History and Education, as well as a Master’s Degree in Education. Barb has spoken at conferences and taught classes throughout the U.S. on topics including faith, relationships, leadership, and courage through trials. Her book, Using What’s Broken to Boldly Shine, is a powerful read on transformation through adversity. Her blog focuses on providing people with everyday encouragement and strength. Barb serves as the Executive Director for The Dented Fender Ministry and runs a successful real estate and development company. She and her husband currently reside in Dayton, Ohio.
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